Wild Child
by Solosan
Summary: What happens when you stick a wild baby in between the most important men of middle earth? Complete chaos of course. Warning: this is an unstable fic liable for completely unexpected twists, prepare for anything. And I MEAN anything.
1. Chapter 1

"She came to me as a dark messenger along Mirkwoods borders. It has been but two and ten years since the war of the rings. And though short the time, many of my kin had departed for the gray havens.

She was young. Barely a babe when she found me. I was on my way to Gondor to meet with Gimli son of Gloin with my guards, and in our years of peace we have become lax. The Wargs were on the very border of Mirkwood and we had not noticed their presence. What they were doing there, I know not. But we hesitated to slew them because one of them carried a babe in its maw. These were not the Wargs steeds, these carried a different reek. Perhaps the ilk from whence the first Wargs that became ridden came from. I have not seen their kind in all my long years.

The babe was a girl child, and by her heavy browed features and the stubborn set of her jaw, I could tell she descended from the Wild men. The same as helped us upon the final battle in the War of the Ring. How she got so far from Osgiliath and become mingled among this crowd escaped me. She appeared unhurt even as the Wargs teeth were embedded in her shoulder. I among my men volunteered to approach and retrieve the child from them.

I asked them to hold fire for though these Wargs held a child in their midst, their eye held a feral intelligence that gave me hope we could come to some sort of bargain."

At this point Legolas was interrupted by a loud guffaw. "Wargs! A bargain with Wargs? My dear elf, I do believe you to be touch in the head. Who has heard of bargaining with Wargs? Might as well marry an orc."

"Gimli, my friend. If you have unclogged your ears and listened to my story at all, you would have known that the Wargs I encountered were different. Would you have believed the ordinary Warg to go out of its way to deliver a hapless child into a wood of elves?"

Gimli grunted under the elf's gaze, "Aye, I give you that."

"May I continue master dwarf?"

It was Aragorn who answered instead, with an amused twinkle in his eye. "You may indeed. I have yet to learn how this bargaining went and how the child came into your possession."

Legolas smiled, "I had not gone a stone's throw towards them when the child noticed me. Immediately she set up a wailing as could be heard from across the seas and a thrashing in a most upsetting manner. At this the Wargs reacted with confusion, which is understandable, as she had been so meek and silent before. And, this baffled me, began _nuzzling_ the child to calm her down. They sniffed at her as though to find the cause of her distress, much as a house dog would do to its pup. However her wailing did not cease and eventually they noticed me and began growling deep in their throat. They must have realised her mood was due to my appearance."

"Hah! The rescuer need must be rescued!"

Aragorn raised a brow at the dwarf, "Gimli…"

The dwarf saluted the king of Gondor with a pint of Ale, "Aye my lord and liege, I shall settle down for this blasted bedtime story."

Then the elf laughed softly, "Master dwarf, must I remind you that you were the one who asked for an explanation as to why the child was with me?"

Man and elf laughed at the dwarfs bemused expression, for he had indeed forgotten, so much has he had to drink.

"the Wargs growling must be a warning and my guards called for my return, "I cannot leave the child alone!" I called back to them. And this silenced them. Indeed if they were in my position they would not either. When I had turned round again the Wargs had shifted in a circle around the child, silent again at my shout and eyeing me in the most unsettling manner. I had wondered if perhaps I was to be their next meal."

"Not much to eat on you. Hah!"

Both Aragorn and Legolas ignored the dwarf now guzzling his fifth pint of ale.

"It was the child herself who ripped herself from the jaws of the Warg and began crawling towards me. The Wargs had at first butted the child back behind them but they eventually gave way to the babes' persistence. They let loose the most awful howling as she got closer to me. But they did not follow her or seem wont to do so. When she was close enough I swept the child into my arms and fled. It troubled me that though she had most cried throughout the whole ordeal, even ripping herself from the jaws that held her captive causing herself a wide wound, she wept grievously as we sped from those Wargs, her body limp in my arms. The Wargs did not cease their howling as we left them behind. Perhaps still now they howl at their loss."

Aragorn was silent for a long moment, "The tale you tell is unbelievable, but a child is indeed resting in the houses of healing with a Warg bite upon her shoulder. What shall we do with her? Should I perhaps find her a home among those childless families in Gondor? I am certain someone will take her in."

"Eh? Isn't there more ale? Where'd the ale go?"

"Hush Gimli. No Estel old friend. I have developed a bond to that child. If I could I would take her back with me. She is a child of the Wild men. The men of Gondor will not be able to accept her for her differences."

"The same can be said for you, Legolas. A Wild child among the Mirkwood elves? How could she fare any better?" Aragorn gently pointed out.

"Aye, I say you give her to me. Our women are nurturing and kind and will give that child a warm home." A red faced Gimli interrupted. Not too drunk to not feel competitive with his elven friend.

"The same can be said for our Mirkwood eleths!"

"And Gondors' maids."

"And for that matter, Loriens."

"Or Rivendale's." Haldir and Elrond joined in, leaving the merrymaking indoors to sit with the other three beneath the white tree. Elrond smiled, "All this squabbling will get us nowhere my friends."

"What would you suggest then, Lord Elrond?"

Elrond smiled at Aragorn, "I say nothing. For the child would fare the same with all of you."

Gimli grumbled, "You're right Bilbo. Ask not of the elves for-"

"-They say both yea and nay." Elrond finished laughing, "That was Bilbo's favourite saying when asking council from us."


	2. Chapter 2

"Fool!"

"Laggard!"

"Am not! If she was but a male child, I would know how to handle her! She is but young but she is a blasted female!"

"And said child is right in front of you, watch your tongue master dwarf, or I take this child home with me."

"Our trial has yet to run its course Legolas! It's not to you to take the child to and fro as you will!"

"I am sure Aragorn would agree with me to remove her from your presence if you cannot curb yourself and use polite speech."

"This is a job for the maids. I am a warrior! Warriors are not trained for- This- This-"

"Bathing?"

"Well! So you do take my meaning."

"You mean… Dwarf men, do not ken the art of bathing?"

"Well yea… I mean nay! Not to that meaning. Blast elves and their nimble tongues! We do bathe elf! We just do not bathe each other!"

"…Watch your tongue master dwarf."

But Legolas' eye held none of the severity in his tone. Instead it held a warm light dancing in amusement. The dwarf was in the kings bathing chamber. Soaked to the skin and looking much the worse for wear. In his large hands he held the young girl child not more than a year old according to their reckoning. Bare as the day she was born and slippery as a fish. The elf fared better, only looking slightly straggled as his hair had been continuously used as an unofficial rope ladder for the child's endeavours to escape.

"What is this I find? Have we lost the battle already my dear lords? The child seems to have gotten the better of you."

Aragorn placed the new towels upon the tiles, lifted the happily gurgling child from Gimli and sat her upon a table and began washing her scraggly dark hair. Legolas raised a brow and came to stand behind the ranger.

"Why Estel. You seem to have experience with this."

"In the art of bathing a child? Why yes. I am of the Dunedain, and we share all tasks."

Legolas smiled, "You do not sprout from the rocks as the dwarves do?"

A grunt from the side alerted them to the dwarfs' presence, straining slightly to see over the high table. "Not anymore than the elves spring from the ground besides their trees. Blast the high folk and their high tables."

Legolas frowned at his friend. "Gimli…"

"Aye, aye, I should use polite speech around the little lady. Even if she should get it in her pretty mind the notion to drown me, as which you can see, she has."

Aragorn laughed, avoiding a chubby arm that grabbed for his beard he swiftly dunked the child into a tub of clean water, washing the suds away. At the child's scowl at being foiled Aragorn grinned and covered her within the folds of the towel and proceeded to dry her thoroughly.

"Aragorn, she is not a child of the Dunedain. Do you need to treat her so roughly?"

Aragorn paused to think over the matter, ignoring the squirming mass beneath his fingers. "You are quite correct Legolas. She is the descendant of the Wild men. No doubt she would not like this coddling."

Without further ado, his ministrations coarsened. Legolas and Gimli made to protest but a cheerful squealing stopped them. They caught each other gazes and coughed over their embarrassment.

"She… Seems to be fine."

Aragorn glanced at his elven friend. "She is the child of the Wild men. She can handle it fine."

"Be still Estel. A maid child treated so. It burns my heart."

Taking the towel away from Aragorn Legolas wrapped the child firmly and strode out of the bathing chamber, wiggling child in arm. The overflowing floor barely rippled beneath the elven feet, but for man and dwarf they created tides with their waddling.


End file.
